A few months ago a student in one of my classes told me that he was going through chemotherapy. He was a rising senior, a strong student, on the pre-medicine track, and a member of the university’s football team. He mentioned that he shouldn’t miss any assignments or exams, but he wanted me to know ‘just in case’ he wasn’t feeling well enough to complete them. One day, he emailed me asking for advice on how to improve his exam grades (they were already great) and how frustrated he gets when he answers questions incorrectly when he understands the material. We had a chat, and I asked him to give himself grace and kindness as his body and mind are going through a lot. He said he appreciated my help and encouragement.
This week I learned that he passed away.
I am reading “Taking Stock” by Jordan Grumet (“Doc G”), a hospice doctor. His book is about building wealth, but also about how to live a regret-free life, and lessons from his dying patients. Towards the end of the book, he mentions Loretta, a woman who has been the caregiver to her mother. For a whole decade, Loretta put her own needs and interests aside because she felt guilty about living her life to the fullest while her mother was ill. When her mother was sent to hospice, Loretta saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Not that she wanted her mother to die, but Loretta had decades of life to look forward to and to follow her interests, unlike her mother.
Life is a funny thing. One day Loretta slipped, hit her head, and died. Just like that. When Doc G broke the news to the mother, she whispered, “Time waits for no one.”
Doc G talks about how time cannot be commoditized like we “spend,” “buy,” or “waste” it, although that’s how we usually think of time. We have a limited number of minutes to live, but we don’t know how many. But if we had a rough idea, as for a hospice patient (no matter the age), how would we live it? I don’t know if my student knew he had a few months to live, and I am assuming that he didn’t, would he be studying for exams if he did? Or would he be doing something else during that time?
What would you do if you had five months at most to live? Would today’s daily activities be any different?
