The Harvard Study of Adult Development is a long-running study on happiness. It started in the late 1930s with 268 Harvard students and 456 young men from Boston’s neighborhoods (all Caucasian men). The study continues up to this day, and some of the participants are now in their 90s. One of the participants was John F. Kennedy. Every two years, they were asked about their physical and mental health, the quality of their relationships, careers, retirement, and other aspects of their lives. Every five years, their physical health was assessed. As time went on and the men were married, their wives were interviewed. Now there is a second-generation study, where the children of the original cohort are being studied.
What this 85-year study has found is that long-term happiness and health are correlated with strong relationships with the community, friends, and family. The study also found that the lack of healthy relationships in one’s life is detrimental to both happiness and physical health. Folks who are well-connected in society with meaningful relationships are happier, physically healthier, and live longer than their counterparts. What really matters is the quality of one’s close relationships. Here is an awesome TED talk by the current Director of the study.
Last week I was listening to the ‘Adjusting to Life after FI’ podcast by ChooseFI while on a walk. The two podcasters were chatting about how it was difficult to maintain meaningful relationships while in the working world, and how we should utilize the limited amount of time (on Earth) we have to build and maintain friendships. “Who are the people you want in your life post-work” is what one asked himself. We have 112 waking hours each week and how much of it are we using to maintain meaningful relationships outside our immediate family? The hosts mentioned if we have two hour-long phone calls a week then we can spend quality connections with X number of friends, given we talk to them regularly throughout the year. What struck me was when they said that “nobody is going to have two (hour-long) phone calls a week”.
Well, I do! Many of my closest friends live hundreds (or thousands) of miles away from me. Four friends, in particular, I have “phone dates” with regularly. I met “V” in graduate school as we were both in the same lab group. We talk at least once a week, often twice, for at least an hour each time. My BFF “H” was a roommate in graduate school and we video chat at least twice a month, often more than an hour and a half each time. I talk to “B” for two-hours at a time, and I met her through animal rescue work. I’ve known my friend “S” since undergrad and we have long, long conversations each month. I cherish these times, and these chats are definitely the highlights of my week (and life). These conversations not only keep us up to date on each other’s lives, but also provide me with support when I most need it, both professionally and personally. I have known each of them for more than 15-years, and their friendship means the world to me. As “S” would often say, “My friends are my wealth.” And according to the Harvard study, my friends are also my health!
Photo: “S” and I relaxing at the Tikal National Park in Guatemala.
