Recently, a friend shared something that got me thinking. He told me about someone he met at an event and mentioned that he hoped their relationship would evolve into a high quality friendship. That phrase stuck with me. It made me wonder if we can really predict the quality of a connection within just a few days of knowing someone.
I told him that, for me, that kind of bond takes time. A lot of time. Although the way each of us approaches relationships is different, and I’ve learned that I can only truly call something a “high quality friendship” after years of shared history. Seven to ten years, perhaps.
I think of my friendships like investments. Like buying stock in a company. When a new company goes public, you can hope it grows and does well, but in the beginning, it’s still a gamble. There might be signs of potential, but that doesn’t guarantee anything. Expectations at the start can be exciting, even promising, but long term value? I think that takes time to reveal.
In any meaningful friendship, certain things matter to me like consistency, predictability, longevity, and mutual attraction. As in, a “boring” relationship where my nervous system stays calm in their presence and in when they are in my thoughts. It’s where we have the pull to stay connected, to be present, and to care. Over time, people grow and change, as they should. The real test becomes whether both people can respect those changes and still show up for each other, decade after decade. Can we adjust, evolve, and make space for who the other becomes?
I have also had friendships that felt like they would last a lifetime. I was sure of it. But some of them have faded or ended altogether once we were not in the same geographical area, and not for the lack of me trying to stay connected. And while that can be painful, I’ve come to accept it. Just like investments, not all of them yield the returns you hoped for. Some are lessons. Some were right for a season but not forever.
And that’s okay.
